By

Teresa Pham

I don’t rely on anyone, I say to myself. I don’t need anyone. I can make my way in the world all by myself. And when I do, I won’t have to thank anyone. The words are hollow, merely repeated from what I’ve heard in the media and from others.

It’s funny how people respond to this kind of reasoning, with savage nods of their heads and exclamations of agreement. Yeah, they respond. Yeah, that’s exactly what I’m talking about.

Our society strikes me as a rather lonely one. We act according to a twisted form of social Darwinism, convincing ourselves that our selfish behavior is merely self-preservation. After all, why can’t other people look out for themselves? People can’t be expected to go out of their way to fix the problems of others. In thinking this way, we like to believe that we’re bettering our world. Well, yes, maybe we have become more successful. Maybe in thinking about self-benefit, we’ve managed to earn more money and buy more cars. After all, those are the important things in life, or so we’re led to believe.

Last year, when I was a sophomore in high school, my friends and I sat around one day and complained about our pre-college stress. Our school, with its rigorous focus on academia and “college prep” philosophy, had managed to indoctrinate us with the belief that the goal of our lives was to get into college and become successful.

“God,” one girl sighed. “I don’t have the grades to get into any prestigious college. I had a couple of Bs last semester. It’s all going down the drain.”

“So, do you think we’re going to hang out and you know, go to college together?”

Automatic reflex: We all shook our heads, laughing dryly, jaded and cynical at fifteen. We were friends, yes, but after high school we would all go off to our dream colleges without a second glance. We had promising futures, jobs to snag, money to earn! We all noted that our peers’ focus on their ambitions and goals were extremely intense, but that was the way things were supposed to be.

Another time, in reference to this, my best friend asked me: “If it was a choice between going to Stanford and being there at a dying friend’s bedside, which do you think most of us would choose?” It disturbs me that I was unable to answer this. How many of us would make excuses and argue that our future was at stake, that we couldn’t help but look out for ourselves first? And more importantly, what would I do in that situation? I convinced myself that I would put friendship and love above personal gain, but there was a moment of hesitation. God, but it’s Stanford! I thought.

As a society, we admire independence, a quality that is deeply embedded in American culture. I see nothing wrong with independence, the desire to work hard and do well. However, over time, our definition of independence has evolved. We no longer see it as hard work and providing for oneself. We have come to define independence as pure self-centeredness.

And, sickeningly enough, we admire people who’ve pursued success at all cost. We watch show like MTV Cribs and gawk at how the rich throw about money extravagantly. Who cares how many people they took advantage of and cast aside in their rise to success? They put themselves first, and through that they set themselves apart from the mediocre masses. Hey, all the better for them, right?

What worries me is that we live in a society where we don’t know who our neighbors are. We cloister ourselves away in our big houses with our high-tech security systems, and convince ourselves that this defines success in life. Yes, I’ve grown up in a world where ambition and achievement are greatly valued, and I appreciate that.

I only have one question.

What ever happened to good old human relationships?

Teresa Pham is a 16 year old high school junior in California. She loves reading and writing, and is a frequent volunteer for the Red Cross.